Here if You Need Me

Writers: Chelle, Leigh M-F.
Date Posted: 2nd January 2016

Characters: Nokala, A'kua
Description: The student and the mentor have a talk.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 3, day 22 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: ONPC Eionen, Genna.

Zeiranth nosed his partner, who was lying on his cot, staring at the
ceiling. }:You should go eat something,:{ he coaxed. }:Your stomach's all
spinny like your head. Food will help.:{

The weyrling moved lethargically, putting a hand on the baby bronze's
forehead. "I can't, Zei. I'm sorry. If I eat somethin' I'll just pitch it
up."

The dragon seemed to pout.

Bootfalls sounded as someone came closer. She'd never really been in the
weyrling barracks before except for the lesson rooms when they needed a
harper to explain geography or something. This part she'd never ventured
into. Nokala's eyes scanned over the wallows, trying to find the right one.
Deciding she had a better idea, she took out a set of pipes from her pocket
and blew a set of three short notes. Hopefully that wouldn't wake anyone
who might be sleeping since it had been so fast.

Zeiranth instantly looked for the source of the noise. }:What was that?:{
he asked, distracted.

A'kua frowned, wondering who in the world would be playing pipes in the
barracks- and then actually smiled. It was a faint half smile, but it
happened. "Nokala," he said, sluggishly sitting up. "This is a surprise.
What brings you in?"

She heard the noise and walked in search of it. Finding him and seeing how
ill he looked, she frowned. This was going to be worse than she thought.
**Idiots.** "Well funny you should ask. I had a little run in with your
sire about a few moments ago and I thought I might come see how you were.
Seems like I was right to see. You're in a sorry state and in no fit form
to do anything. Please tell me you didn't let that idiot turn you into
this?" She saw the dragonet and gave him a nod, tossing him a small piece
of meat she'd brought along. It wasn't much, but she'd thought of him
anyhow.

Zeiranth snapped the meat out of the air and chewed happily. }:This is
good; it makes my stomach feel so much better,:{ he needled, and was
ignored.

A'kua's smile trembled, then fell completely, and he looked at the floor.
"He didn't try to flirt with you, did he?" he asked, dodging the question.

"What the shells does that have to do with anything? Listen...I know seeing
him must have been the shock of the month. And it probably did upset you
quite a bit. But he's just a harmless idiot honestly so beyond that he
couldn't have done much in your short meeting. You just need to process
what you thought you knew against what you could know and make a decision.
In the meanwhile, you apparently need to straighten up. Because right now
you are not bronzerider material or fit for another meeting. And he said
you told him you'd meet again. Is that right?" Her eyes fixed on him,
daring him to say no. If he wanted this meeting, he would have it. But he
was not going into it without being prepared. And she would not see him
broken apart. Not after all the work she'd done to get him here.

A'kua's shoulders hunched under Nokala's words. "He's the world's worst
flirt. He'll hit on anyone female," he mumbled. "And- And I did say that. I
thought- if I hear him out, maybe he'll go away forever and die in a ditch
somewhere."

"Ah hm so that's the way of it." She walked further into the wallow and
chose the empty chair. "Apparently your flirt information was wrong because
he didn't hit on me. And he was drunk to boot so the odds were in my favor.
Maybe I'm losing my touch." Grunting, she adjusted her legs and leaned
back. "Listen, you can make your own decision after hearing whatever he has
to say. I want to lessen the shock however. I spoke with him myself. Now, I
know you'll probably say he isn't telling the truth but people don't lie
much when they're that drunk. And I can tell a liar.... He said he wanted
to make it right. He seemed remorseful. I don't get much else since I
didn't want to let him know who exactly I was, but he seemed genuinely
concerned over you and glad to meet you."

"If you don't want a relationship with him that's your choice. But maybe if
you go into this thing forgetting everything you might have been told about
him, you'd make a more even judgment." She was a harper and understood
things needed for mediation. A successful outcome usually came if both
parties were willing to compromise and could reach an understanding. If
they were both too far off center coming in, it would have a hard chance of
happening. "Do you want to do it alone?"

Her former student shook his head. "He doesn't deserve a fair chance," he
said, but he didn't dispute anything else Nokala said. More often than not,
she was right about things, so he would take her word for it. "I can't do
it alone. Genna's goin' to be supervisin'."

}:I'm going to be watching too,:{ Zeiranth reminded him, nosing A'kua's
knee.

"Oh the young goldrider? I know her. Haven't spoken to her in awhile
though." Watching him and the dragon she was reminded of her brother. Their
situations were so different though. "Answer me this-why doesn't he deserve
a fair chance?" Being the harper she was, she was always going to consider
both sides.

"Genna spoke well of you once, before Lissath rose." The question gave him
pause. His answer was going to sound biased and childish, but it was the
only one he had. "Because he's a stupid whore who never cared about the
consequences until he was called on his behavior. He's the reason why
everythin' went wrong with my life- with _me_. I can't forgive that, but if
listenin' to him means I get my way, I'll do it."

"You know you don't have to forgive him for him. You can forgive him for
you so you can move on. All this anger...it's not healthy. It keeps you
from focusing on other things. And.....how do you know he never cared about
the consequences or that he was called on his behavior?" Something wasn't
adding up here. Eionen's actions didn't fit the story. "Because already
we've found out at least one thing you were told by someone else was wrong.
Honestly though, I have half a mind to blame your mother for a lot of it.
She's the one that didn't take care of you preferring to just kill herself
with drink instead of minding her responsibilities-you."

A'kua jerked in place and gave his teacher an outraged look. "It's because
of him she did that!" he shouted. "If he'd cared, he would've come back
sooner to make sure she was okay. But he's eighteen Turns too late,
Nokala," he added savagely. "Too late for me to accept he cares."

"Do you hear what you sound like? You are blaming everything in your life
on him and only him. I'm sure some of that was probably due to you and your
attitude which, we both know, was not the greatest when you first came
here. And your mother made a choice. She could have minded her
responsibilities. She didn't have to be an alcoholic. There are a lot of
holder women out there that have babies out of wedlock that work to make
sure they are loved and protected as much as they can. She chose not to do
it and so you suffered. There were other choices she could have made-to
come to a Weyr, or to go to another Hold and tell people she was a widow.
Believe me, I know. I've met plenty of women in the same position."

"So use your intelligence and accept that if you're going to blame anyone,
you need to blame everyone involved equally." She shook her head and looked
up at the ceiling, scratching her left leg while she closed her eyes. **I'm
sure he's probably not the only travelling harper to ever have a child out
of wedlock either. But the harper hall doesn't seem to be crawling with
children demanding to be recompensed.** "That's like saying if some man
broke my pipes, it's his fault that the rest of my career was awful."

A'kua gawked at her, red creeping into his vision as his temper rose.
Zeiranth distracted him by plonking his head on the tall weyrling's lap,
hard. A'kua grunted, but didn't try to shove his dragon off, instead
forcing himself to take deep breaths as he scratched around Zeiranth's
headknobs. "You're not helpin'," he growled at last to the harper. "You
just don't get it because you were lucky enough to have a good family. You
don't have any reason to hate 'em, but I have every reason to hate that
whore. He _hurt_ us, Nokala, and there isn't anythin' he can do to make
that better, and that's final."

"Oh I could have had reason to hate in my life. Maybe not my family but I'm
guessing you forgot that little rule the craftmasters decided to make that
meant I couldn't go to a proper hall. I couldn't receive training there
like all the boys. I didn't have all their advantages. I couldn't see all
of Pern and travel like a proper journeyman was meant to." Her voice only
raised just a small step but her tone wasn't flippant. And her tone said
that he had better remember who he was talking to and that she was trying
to help him. "But I chose not to waste my time with it. I moved on and did
what I had to to get what I needed as much as I was able. You haven't moved
on or fully accepted it. You're still right back there at that hold
choosing not to deal with what happened and move on. That anger you
keep...it can only hurt you. That hate will eat you up until it eats
everything good. Your music, your love, your smiles. It'll all go. So you
need to do whatever you have to make peace with it. If that means forgiving
that fool of a man that seems to want to make it up to you then I suggest
you better figure out a way to do it."

She stood up then, rising to her full height which was just a bit taller
than him. "I don't care what happens to him. I care what happens to you.
But you're letting him affect what happens to you so you have to deal with
it and him. And I'll be sharded if I will see one wandering harper undo all
the work I have done to get you here. A'kua-you are a bronzerider of Pern.
You have a dragon here that loves you. You have a weyrmate that loves you.
Shells, I love you too, boy. But you can't keep all this inside or it'll
keep coming back again and again regardless of whatever happens to him. Are
you hearing me?" She stopped talking and just stood there, careful to keep
her tone in a certain range. The last thing she wanted to do was to upset
Zeiranth and bring half the Weyr down on her head.

A'kua glowered at Nokala, a range of expressions crossing his face;
sadness, fury, doubt, hatred. He wanted to throw her out. He wanted her to
stay. He wanted her to comprehend where he was coming from. He knew Nokala
meant well, but he wanted her to mean well without badgering him. "Do you
think I don't know Ma should've made other decisions?" he finally said in a
strained voice. "I relearned that every time I took away her wine and she
got more; every time I asked her to leave with me and she refused; every
time my grandsire lambasted us, every time a holder ignored me when I
needed to barter, every time someone called me the son of the hold whore.

"I tried to be a good kid at first, but they all made it impossible. I
voluntarily made myself Holdless to get away from the mess. And after two
Turns here, I was finally happy. Now he's here too, and I'm scared he won't
leave unless I hear him out. I can't forgive him or stop hatin' him. I- I
just can't. Are _you_ hearin' _me?_" The words could have been accusing,
but they came out desperate.

She dropped her hands and walked over to him. Despite the dragonet there,
she pulled him into her quite considerable arms and rocked him for just a
bit while her chin rested on his head. It was a gesture that was part
impulse, part reaction, and part need. Nokala had never been a mother but
most said she would have been a good one. "Whatever you decide, we'll
figure it out. You may not be ready now, but things may change. It's
allright. You are not _them_. Their faults are not _yours_. Those things
that happened to you do not make you. You make you. You'll get through this
too. Just like all of it. And whatever I can do to help you, I will. The
weyrlingstaff will. The Weyr will. Zeiranth will. Won't you little one?"
She gave a soft smile before pulling back from him ever so slowly to look
into his face. "If you need me, you just need to ask."

A'kua clung to his teacher, suddenly profoundly grateful. This was exactly
what he needed and he hadn't realized it. He didn't think to let go until
Zeiranth complained }:I'm still kind of squished.:{

With a mental apology to the dragonet, A'kua let go, taking a deep breath
as the little bronze kept talking. "Zei says of course he'll help if I tell
him how," he said. "If I can think of a way for either of you to do so,
I'll say it, I promise. And I- I'll try to keep my head." He didn't know
how he could do that, but he wanted Nokala to know he was attempting to
compromise.

"Fair enough. Now do you think I could talk you into getting a sandwich.
Not a good idea to face anything on an empty stomach really." There was a
note of wry humor in her voice, but she was still worried about him. Then
again, she couldn't really force him to eat but hopefully he could get over
the anxiety he felt long enough to.

Zeiranth snorted. If he couldn't talk his chosen into eating, he doubted
Nokala could.

"No," A'kua admitted, "but you could talk me into a drink of mint tea to
help settle my stomach."

Last updated on the January 12th 2016

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