Not Right Now

Writers: Devin, Miriah
Date Posted: 19th May 2015

Characters: J'kri, Paetri
Description: Paetri has some unpleasant news.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 13, day 2 of Turn 7

Paetri came into her small weyr quietly, her face drawn as she moved
slowly to her chair. She didn't immediately notice J'kri on her bed,
instead moving to pour a glass of juice before she slid carefully into
the chair with a wince.

"Something wrong?" J'kri asked.

Paetri nearly dropped her glass, but caught it quickly. "You startled
me." She pushed back her hair from her face. "Just sore." Her lips
were pinched and a look of quiet regret and shame flashed on her face.
"I didn't think you'd be here yet." She took a drink of her juice and
stared at it. "I'm sorry, J'kri."

He tilted his head, unease coiling in his stomach. "Sorry for what?"

Paetri swirled her drink in her glass slowly. "I couldn't keep it."
She looked up at him and then back down to the glass. "I was going to
try to, but..." She shook her head. "I didn't find out in time."

The words hit him like a punch. "Were you... pregnant?"

She nodded slowly. "Yes." Her eyes didn't leave her glass of juice,
still swirling it slowly in her cup. "The first time I wasn't certain
when the pains started after a Fall. I just thought they were cramps
at first. But this time I was late, and I thought I knew for sure, but
couldn't get into see a Healer before we had Fall again. " She took a
deep breath. "I was going to surprise you."

He went over to her and put a gentle hand on her arm. "Are you okay?"
That was the most important thing.

Paetri took another drink of her juice and looked up at him. "I think
so. I just really wanted to surprise you, J'kri." Her eyes watered,
but she quickly wiped them away. "Healers used to tell me that I
shouldn't carry because my hips are narrow, but I wouldn't mind so
much. I mean, I know I couldn't be much of a mother because I have so
many duties, but..." Her voice trailed off and she gave a little
hiccup of dismay. "I didn't even think about what you wanted. Oh,
J'kri, I've been an idiot. I'm sorry."

He knelt next to her and took her hand. "I want _you_ to be safe.
That's the most important thing. If the healers say you shouldn't get
pregnant then you need to be drinking the tea." They'd all gotten the
lecture during weyrlinghood, so he thought she was already taking it.
"We take enough risk flying Fall and I don't want to lose you."

"I was, " she wound her fingers in his hand. "I just got this idea
and..." Her voice trailed off as she looked at him. "I wish I could
give you that, that's all." But she nodded slowly. "I know we do and I
know you don't. I don't want to lose you either."

"Why did you want to give me a child so much? I never said anything."

She shifted on her seat a bit and blushed. "I thought...well, most men
want a son."

"We're not at a hold, Paetri." From what she'd told him about her
parents, it wasn't surprising she'd made that assumption. A lot of
hold women had their value centered on how many children -- especially
sons -- they could produce. "Kids would be nice, maybe. Someday. But
they're not something I need to make me happy."

"I may not ever be able to give you any." Her voice was soft and
pained before she took a breath and lifted her chin. "I'm sorry I
didn't talk with you about it before."

He brushed a hand along her cheek and kissed her gently. "It's okay.
I'm sorry you put yourself through that."

She answered the kiss just as softly. "So am I." She admitted. She had
to also admit that she was doing it more for him than herself. "But
what if you ever want children?" There was a hint of worry in her
voice.

He looked at her for a moment. "Do _you_ want children?" Maybe she'd
been trying as much for herself as for him.

That made her pause. Did she? It had never been an overwhelming desire
of hers. There had also been more than a little fear about the
consequences of labor for her. She looked up at J'kri and shifted on
her seat. "Well, honestly, not right now, no."

"Good, then we agree." He smiled and leaned up to kiss her. "If you
change your mind, we'll figure something out. Something safe."

She slowly nodded, returning his kiss lightly. "J'kri..." She paused,
chewing on her lower lip for a moment. "Are you...are you happy with
me? I mean, spending time with me, sharing a bed?"

"Yes." There was no doubt in his mind.

The instantaneous reply soothed her immediately and she leaned against
him, soaking in his warmth. "Good."

Last updated on the May 21st 2015

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Not Right Now