Past Invading Present

Writers: Chelle, Leigh M-F.
Date Posted: 18th March 2015

Characters: Nokala, A'kua
Description: After hearing one of Aluka's old compositions, Nokala discovers one of the hangups interfering with his progress.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 11, day 26 of Turn 7

Normally he was on time for his lessons, but today Aluka had arrived
earlier than usual. Or perhaps Nokala had stepped out to attend to other
Harper business. Either way, her student had a chance to warm up. He sat on
his usual stool and put his gitar on his lap, plucking and tuning the
strings. Once they sounded perfect, he messed around for a little while,
then randomly picked a song he had written when he was sixteen. The gitar
was coaxed into playing strange, gliding notes, and when he sang, he chose
a throatier, dreamier, pleading tone that conveyed a lot of emotion.

"If I could turn the page in time,
Then I'd rearrange just a day or two-
(Close my, close my, close my eyes)
But I couldn't find a way,
So I'll settle for one day
To believe in you.
(Tell me, tell me, tell me lies....)

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies-
(Tell me liiies, tell me tell me lies!)
Oh no, no, you can't disguise-
(You can't disguiiise, no you can't disguise!)
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!"

She approached the lesson room and heard the music coming out of it. Slowly
and quietly, she came forward. She knew that voice. Smiling, she stood
against the wall, her arms crossed over her belly as he sang, realizing
this was one of his own scribbles. **Well done Aluka. Well done.** And then
she thought about his recent struggles. He was so talented but he had never
been taught correctly. He had no faith in himself. If he had the foundation
earlier.... She restrained herself from an unladylike grunt. It was
frustrating sometimes but it wasn't his fault. Half the time she felt like
finding out the name of the harper at that Hold and writing them a rude
letter. Of course they'd never care since the letter came from a woman.

"Although I'm not making plans,
I know that you understand; there's a reason why.
(Close your, close your, close your eyes)
Please don't break my heart;
We're not better off apart,
Let's give it a try.
(Tell me, tell me, tell me lies....)
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies-" Aluka broke off, shaking his head
in irritation. His throat was getting dry. He opened his eyes to see where
the water pitcher and goblets might be this time, only to nearly fall off
the stool with an undignified squawk as he finally realized he wasn't
alone. "Gimme a heart attack, why doncha," he complained, the accent that
had vanished in song coming back.

"Didn't think I should interrupt. You were having a grand time and it was a
good song." She didn't let on that she had figured out that it was one of
his. Let him take the compliment as it was. "You need to sit up a bit
straighter during a real performance though, give your chest room to
breathe as you sing." She grinned and walked toward him, her long legs
crossing the floor in quick speed. "Now, Aluka I am going to tell what you
just did when you sang." She pulled out a hide and grabbed a stylus that
lived in her pocket permanently.

Aluka had to bite his tongue to keep from indignantly replying that he knew
what he did when he was singing, thanks. He had breathed from his gut,
projected his voice appropriately, and sang as if the realization of what
Bailan really wanted from him was new again. Nokala knew what she was
doing; it was best to shut up and listen.

"When you whispered, that's known as singing abafando." She stopped to make
sure he was listening, then continued, ticking through the notes she made
in her head. "The tempo was andantino. Then decelerando during the verses."
Smiling to herself she stopped but hoped the point was driven home. "Do you
see what I'm saying? You know what I am teaching you. You just don't know
that you know it."

Oh, that was what she meant. He should have known. And he really should be
used to thinking technically by now. "How could I have known when I didn'
know that stuff when I wrote this?" he found himself asking.

"Because you have natural talent that's why. And if it had been nurtured as
it should have been you'd be dragonlengths ahead by now. As it is, we're
playing catchup. However, I'm telling you that you can do it. You just need
to believe that you can and get on with it." She put her hands on her hips,
again mentally cursing that hold harper. "It's almost like it would do you
better to forget whatever you were taught before and start now."

"Please no," Aluka said in horror. "That'd mean forgettin' every reason I
ever wrote anythin'. All those thoughts I had, everythin' I saw growin' up,
every emotion- That's what taught me. That's why I sang and played; 'cause
I could, and no one cared to stop me as long as I wasn' causin' trouble."

Without thinking, she did something she rarely did. The long legged harper
walked forward and settled herself in front of him. She pulled herself down
to his level and looked into his eyes. "I don't mean to forget yourself. I
mean to forget all of these preconceived notions that you don't know what
you're doing and that you can't learn. You will stop this fear. Fear that I
am trying to make you into a different person-fear that I am trying to
invalidate whatever you've been through. This place is not a place of fear.
This is a place of learning. I am here to teach you so you can be
better-not to change you. I want to give you something to do with it all.
Every time I push you, though, you get frustrated and then stop."

"I do not," Aluka huffed, and then amended "Not all the time," at the look
on his teacher's face. "Every time I think I understand what ya mean, I
have to put it in practice." He didn't need to say what happened when he
did that. (As in he usually made a mess of it for a good while.) Everything
flowed better when he stopped thinking about it, but that wasn't what
Nokala was trying to help him learn, so it was all counteractive. And it
wasn't because Nokala was a bad teacher. She wasn't in the least.

"Right but when you don't immediately do it perfectly you become irritated
and sullen. I don't expect you to do it perfectly right away. We have time.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself enjoy the learning instead of
worrying over it all. You're not having fun because of it." Looking back at
him, she reached up a hand and rubbed his hair. "Aluka-stick with me,
allright, and we'll see this through. But you've got to realize it will be
work, not an overnight thing. If you don't want to, that's fine but it
would be a waste of so much talent if you did." Straightening back up, she
held her body stiff, contemplating what she just said.

The Candidate put up with the hair-ruffling. "I get angry because this is
what I wanted, and it keeps gettin' harder," he found himself saying. "When
I don' think about the stuff you're teachin' me, everythin' works so much
better, but I can't do that anymore. And what if- What if I can't learn
after all? What if I'm more like my stupid whorin' sire than I thought? He
couldn' even play a reed flute worth a fardlin' damn." His voice was rough
and pained.

And there it was. Unknowingly Nokala had hit the nail on the head. She
wondered if the candidate even realized what he just said. "It's supposed
to get harder." Reaching for her hat, she placed it on her head at an
angle. It was getting a bit chilly. "You're not stupid. And you can play a
reed flute. So nope. And anyway if we were all like our parents, I'd be on
the back of a dragon right now so that argument holds no water. You are who
you want to be. If you don't want to be like that, then don't be. Plus...if
I thought you weren't worth it, believe me, I wouldn't be spending my time
with you. And I can spot no talent easily after turns of seeing it. Do you
think I'm lying to you when I tell you that you have plenty of talent?" She
tilted her head while considering him, thinking this was turning into an
interesting afternoon.

Aluka gave her a long, searching look. "No," he finally said. There was
nothing in her body language or eyes that indicated an untruth.

"Allright then. So are you ready to forget all about your father and his
failures and focus on you and your successes?" She knew it was going to be
hard and it would be something he'd have to work on, but at least he had
admitted it.

He could never forget, which was funny, considering he'd never known the
man. But the Candidate shrugged and put the gitar aside to get some water.
"What's on the agenda today?"

"Honestly, I'd say call it done and go get some food." All this talking and
back and forth, Nokala felt like maybe some time to think about it would be
better.

Aluka shook his head as he finally located the water pitcher and poured
himself some. "No. I'm here to learn, and I _can_ learn, so let's go
ahead," he said determinedly. Which was no doubt exactly what Nokala wanted
to hear.

Last updated on the March 30th 2015

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Past Invading Present