The Wrong Words

Writers: Avery, Heather
Date Posted: 12th January 2015

Characters: Talwynn, D'kere
Description: Talwynn comes to talk to D'kere and says all the wrong things.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 10, day 17 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: P'nal

**Tell D'kere I'm there in 10 minutes.** Talwynn told Riveth. her mental
tone was sharp and no-nonsense.

The green complied, reaching out to Kenirath. Her rider had complicated
feelings about his, but she was feeling no issues with him. }:My rider is
going to come see yours, to talk.:{

}:Thank you Riveth, I will let him know.:{ Kenirath was perched on his
ledge, his great bronze wings folded against his back as he watched
dragons entering and leaving the Weyr.

When D'kere found out that Talwynn was coming he felt moderately
surprised. He had not heard from her since the night she came to get
her pack from his weyr. But then, he had not sought her out either. He
wouldn't know what to say to her if he did. The Weyrlingmaster's
Second was sitting by the fire when he heard her footsteps, a piece of
wood in hand and his knife.

"Hey," she said as she entered, giving him a tentative smile. "Can I sit
and talk, or is this a bad time?

"Have a seat." D'kere said, motioning with his piece of wood toward
the couch. He calmly ran the blade of his knife against the grain of
the wood, and then let the curled shaving flutter to the floor.

She settled down, laying her cane to the side as she tried to figure out
an opener. "So...how have you been? I hope Kenirath is well."

Small talk? D'kere was surprised because Talwynn wasn't normally much
for small talk. There was definitely an awkward tension between them
that had not been there before the mating flight. "All is well. What
brings you by?"

"I wanted to see you. I've missed that our schedules hadn't matched up in
a bit..." she said hesitantly.

It wasn't what D'kere had been expecting to hear, but it did soothe
some of the hurt knowing that she had at least missed him some. "I've
missed you too." He said truthfully, because it was the truth, even if
he felt betrayed.

"Are you going to have some free time this rest day?" Talwynn's foot
tapped nervously.

D'kere's gaze flicked from her foot to her face, "Yeah, probably." It
was weird and awkward. They had never really had to plan out seeing
each other before. Either D'kere showed up at Talwynn's weyr or she
showed up at his.

"I'd like that." Shells. This was the most awkward conversation they'd had
in - well since they'd started getting close. Maybe. Something like that.
Oh, sharditall.

"Look, uh. I want to make things right," she blurted.

Now she had his full attention as he folded up the knife he'd been
whittling with. "Make things right? For what?" D'kere was curious to
find out what Talwynn thought was wrong, especially since they had
spoken about anything really since the day of her flight.

"We're not talking, so clearly something's wrong." In her eyes it was
obvious. "So what can we do about it?"

D'kere studied her face for a moment, "And do you have any guesses as
to why we're not talking?" Did she even realize at all?

"It started after my flight." That was the best she'd been able to figure
out.

And the scathing words that he'd vowed to never say aloud to Talwynn
came spilling out before he could stopt hem, "Yes, I saw you having a
nice evening meal with P'nal afterwards. I didn't realize that was
also part of a mating flight, nor the seconds that must have taken
place given how long you spent in the flight room."

Talwynn found herself in the position of being stunned into shock. Those
were relatively common weyrbred behaviors. Seconds weren't uncommon,
sometimes even with people in relationships. And had they agreed to that?

She focused on the easier part first. "Dinner is a pretty common thing for
people who know each other to have. Was it just that I ate with him after
the flight, or in general?"

"It just seemed like to me maybe you were waiting to see if he would
invite you to his weyr after that too. We've been together all this
time and I don't recall you and P'nal being such good friends until
after Riveth's flight. Nevermind that I sat here waiting for you
since, if you recall, we normally eat together." Now that the dam had
been broken D'kere could not stop unleashing the hurt and jealousy
that he had been harboring.

"I wasn't planning on going back to his weyr for the night," she said
hotly. "The flight happened. The aftermath happened. Then I was hungry and
I went to eat. And by the time I had klah in my belly, I was putting
together what I wanted to do for the rest of the night, and it wasn't
going back with him."

D'kere wanted to bite out that the "aftermath" wasn't something that
just "happened." Yes the residual lust was there but nothing that
couldn't be walked away from. D'kere hated hearing that excuse, since
he heard riders use it often to basically say that they'd just had sex
with someone. But then, that sounded incredibly narrowed minded and he
was a Weyrlingmaster, right? "But you just happened to go and eat with
P'nal? Out of all the people in the Weyr? Right."

"Because it was convenient to follow him there," she said. Dammit, his
bronze had flown other dragons before, he should know that flight lust and
your dragon's feelings carried over, bled into how the riders felt about
each other for awhile. "It was nice to have a meal with him, but that was
all. I'm not close enough to him to do more than that."

"It wasn't convenient for you to say 'Hey D'kere, let's eat?'" D'kere
said with lifted eyebrows not believing for a second that she couldn't
have come to him or had him meet her in the Dining Cavern. Her excuses
sounded weak to his ears. The bronzerider shook his head and made a
sound of frustration, "No, don't answer that. I shouldn't even be
telling any of this to you anyway. I clearly thought we were more to
each other than we are. It was my mistake. You are not bound to me in
any way."

Her eyes narrowed. Bound to him? Made it sounded like she was property,
like she owed him something. That idea made her resentful - and angry, and
sharp. "I'm not a pet," she snapped back. "I wasn't aware we were under
any kind of agreement like that."

"That's what I just said?" D'kere voiced back in confusion. Had he not
just said that he had been mistaken to think that they really meant
anything to each other? That there had been any sort of commitment?

Talwynn pressed her bad hand to her forehead as she thought things
through, fighting her impulses to just yell. "You _said_ that, but the way
you're acting is counter to it. If there was an expectation maybe we
should have discussed it before flights."

"My head completely understands that you are your own person and
available to do whatever you wish, Talwynn, sometimes my gut says
something else entirely. I cannot change the ugly jealousy I felt as I
sat and waited for you or as I walked through the Dining Cavern and
saw you with P'nal. It's the reason why I've been avoiding
conversation with you, because I knew I couldn't talk to you without
all of this coming out. I know I am weyrbred, I know I'm part of the
Weyrlingstaff, and yes, I know all the mechanics of mating flights,
but none of that made me feel any better." He shoved his fingers
through his hair, "I just thought that we.... That we had something,
but seeing you there made me realize that we did not."

His words were conciliatory, especially when he admitted that his head did
no better, but her anger was still roused. "We never talked about having
something! We haven't said a word about anything, just _done_ things. I
could understand your heart if we'd had a talk and then I stayed
afterwords, because that's a betrayal of existing agreements. But I
thought this was just quick and casual fun."

And if it was just that, then why had missing him hurt?

**Quick and casual fun?** The words cut deep and cemented what D'kere
had suspected. This, whatever it was between them, obviously meant
something more to him than it did to her. "I'm sorry. I guess all the
nights you spent here, the times we soaked in the bathing pool, those
times you needed a massage for your joints... That all felt more than
casual."

He looked up with hardened eyes, "But clearly I was mistaken, it is good
to know now."

She sighed. Clearly that hadn't come out as she meant it. Was it all or
nothing with him - a close relationship, or nothing at all?

"I enjoy spending time with you. Those activities were lovely. You're
great to be around. Believe me, when I call someone "fun", it's a
_compliment_," she stressed.

**"You're great to be around."** That was like something you said to a
friend. **"Those activities are lovely." LOVELY?!** D'kere didn't know
if his tattered pride could take any more of these "compliments."

"I don't know what to say to you!" she exploded. "Whatever I say just
seems to make you more mad at me."

D'kere rubbed at the bridge of his nose, squeezing it between thumb
and forefinger, "I think what we need to figure out is where we both
stand because clearly we are in two different places. Don't you feel
anything deeper for me at all than just 'fun' and 'casual?'"

Working it out sounded good. She wanted to snap something out, but reined
in her temper, and held up a hand to indicate she was thinking.

Riveth told her, }:Find the words, then speak.:{

"I don't know," was the first words out of her mouth. "But I haven't ever
had a -relationship. Anyone I cared for more deeply than a quick tumble. I
feel something, but I don't know how to talk about it."

"If we can't talk about it then I don't know how we are to move
forward," or decide that they were fooling themselves and call it
quits. "Maybe we should just take a break for a while, let us both
calm down and then maybe you'll be able to talk about what it is you
are feeling." Taking a break was the last thing that D'kere really
wanted to do, but he couldn't see what other options they had if
Talwynn wasn't able to talk about whatever it was she was feeling for
him.

She half-shrugged. It was the best option, and calming down was - probably
a good thing. "So half a sevenday, then?"

"Half a sevenday." D'kere agreed, relieved that Talwynn had accepted
the idea without a fuss.

"I should go...I'll talk to you then." She gave a tentative little
half-wave as she stood up to go.

D'kere stood as she did, "Tal," he called her name to halt her in her
departure. Reaching out for her he gently tugged her toward him, and
then enveloped her in a hug, "I will see you in half a sevenday." He
promised.

It was unexpected, and brought a smile to her face. She nestled her head
into his shoulder, opened her mouth to say something - then closed it and
settled for patting his back as she returned the hug. "Okay."

Last updated on the January 14th 2015

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The Wrong Words