Here, With Me

Writers: Estelle, Miriah
Date Posted: 4th April 2022
Series: The Assassin's Husband

Characters: Lusilk, Lorican
Description: Lusilk and Lorican talk about the past after feeling the baby moving.
Location: Sunstone Seahold
Date: month 11, day 24 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Urlene, Varlin

Lusilk

Replete and relaxed, Lusilk laid bare on the bed, her expression
surprisingly content. Her eyes half-lidded, she idly pushed a stand of
hair from her brow and prepared to nestle down to sleep; before her eyes
could completely close she felt a roll in her belly. She softly chuckled
as a firm little foot or elbow pressed out as a visible lump, withdrew,
then pushed again. For this pregnancy, she took pleasure in the
movements. ** Such a different experience than with Silgan, ** she
privately mused.

This pregnancy, she felt warmth, she felt supported. And despite her
fierce love for her son now, she knew that when he'd been within her,
she'd not wanted him. This child, despite being unexpected, was wanted
by _both_ of its parents. She was startled by a warm, callused hand on
her abdomen, which was answered by an answering nudge from the child
within her. Lusilk turned her gaze to Lorican, just watching his face.

He had reached out, drowsily, to caress the curve of his wife's body,
fascinated by her changing shape, but when he felt the little ripple
under his hand, Lorican's eyes flew open in shock. "Lusilk!" His voice
dropped to a whisper, as if suddenly aware they weren't alone. "I felt
something."

A low chuckle emerged from Lusilk's throat, "The baby's moving." Her
voice wasn't as soft as looked at him. "Watch." She lightly pressed on
the belly by his hand and was rewarded by not one, but two kicks
directly under his palm. "Oof." Her lips curled. "He...or she is
pretty strong."

The smith's expression shifted from surprise to awe and delight at the
sensation. "Oh! There really is a baby in there." He was sure he was
grinning like a fool, imagining small feet pushing from under her skin
as his fingers lightly stroked her belly. A thought occurred to him and
his cheeks warmed. "We didn't - uh, wake them up, did we?"

Bubbling laughter erupted at the question; it took several moments for
Lusilk to answer, her eyes watering in mirth as she tried to stop the
outright giggles that were so uncharacteristic of her. "Aye, most likely
we did. " Her smile was mischievous as she covered his hand with hers.
"Vigorous bouncing and all. "

"Shells, I'm glad babies don't remember their time in the womb." Lorican
looked thoroughly embarrassed and pleased all at the same time. He
leaned over until his mouth was close to where their hands rested on her
belly. "Sorry," he murmured as if to the child, his lips brushing her
skin lightly. Then he laid back against the pillows, his free arm
slipping around Lusilk, drawing her close.

The light touch drew gooseflesh along her belly and when she was drawn
close to him, rested her head on his shoulder, This sort of affection
between them, this closeness, was growing steadily more common, and
sometimes she didn't quite know what to make of it. It wasn't for just
her, surely; she had a feeling he was simply an affectionate man. It
would hurt him, she reasoned, if she didn't at least _try_ to return
it. It was for his benefit. But still, it made her wonder.

"Lorican...you're what, in your late thirties?" She idly slid her
fingers alongside his on her belly. "Most men have been married for
over ten turns by that age." Her brow furrowed. "Have you been married
before me?"

"Oh - no. No, I've never been married before." Lorican smiled. "And I've
thirty-seven Turns. I suppose you ought to know your husband's age." He
thought for a moment. "It's not so uncommon, when you're a journeyman,
traveling so much. I'd lost both parents, so there wasn't any pressure
from that quarter, and there was my brother to take care of. It wasn't
as though I could support a wife in much comfort. Still, there was once,
at the sea hold..." He hesitated. "It's actually rather an embarrassing
story."

Her brows rose immediately and she gave a wicked grin as she turned her
head towards him. "Share." She nudged his side lightly with her elbow.

Lorican immediately wished he'd kept his mouth shut, but he knew his
wife well enough to understand it was too late now. "Well, when I first
arrived there for my posting, I saw a lot of the steward, as you'd
imagine. He and his wife were very welcoming, invited me over to eat
dinner with them now and then. I didn't know anyone there, and seahold
life was new to me, so I was grateful for their friendship. Anyway,
after I'd been there for about half a Turn, they both came to see me in
the forge one day. For a talk."

Lusilk lifted her head, her brows arching even higher. "Oh. This
sounds juicy." Her grin sparkled. "What kind of talk? A talk-talk, or
a _talk_?"

"It was an, 'isn't it time you settled down and started a family,
Journeyman, and by the way, we have an unmarried daughter' kind of
talk." His cheeks flushed with warmth at the memory. "Their daughter was
- I'm sure she was a perfectly nice girl, but she was about fifteen and
spent all her free time down at the docks with her friends, laughing
with the young lads who worked on the fishing boats. I didn't think
she'd want to be married to a friend of her parents who was nearly
thirty and besides, I couldn't think what we'd say to each other. But I
didn't want to offend the couple, after they'd been so kind, and I
certainly didn't want to humiliate the poor girl by turning her down.
You know how gossip can spread in a hold - well, perhaps you don't, but
believe me, it can. So...I panicked."

Even though he could look back on it now with the benefit of time and
distance, Lorican still recalled the sheer mortification of that moment,
how he'd stared back at them across the anvil, his jaw agape, unable to
think. "I lied. I blurted out the first thing that came into my head,
that I was in love with a Master's daughter, back at the Hall, but her
father wouldn't let us marry until I'd earned enough to prove I'd be
able to support her."

She could picture the look on his face and gave a soft snicker at the
visual as she rested her chin on his shoulder. "I wish I could say that
I'm surprised by the fact that it shocked you. You do get looks from
women, you know, but you're completely oblivious most of the time. "
Lusilk chuckled. "Really, most hold girls are marriageable by that age,
so I'm sure that you were considered a good match. They must have been
disappointed." She paused then became curious. "So.... was Urlene really
your um... first?"

Lorican was still processing the startling idea that women might 'look'
at him as a potential match. "Ah..." He supposed he might as well tell
her all his embarrassing secrets and get it over with. "Well, it's
rather frowned upon, in the Craft, if you're not married. And once word
got around the sea hold that I was pining for a sweetheart back at my
Hall, I could hardly take up with anyone else. I wish I'd thought of
that before making up that story, but it was too late, and I'd resigned
myself to being single for the foreseeable future. And then I came to
the Weyr, and met her."

He felt silent. Even after all that had happened since, his marriage and
the vows he'd made, he still felt a tight pain deep in his heart when he
remembered those few short days. Not wishing to stir up those memories,
he turned to her. "What about you? Have you ever been in love with someone?"

That admittance completely surprised her. Lusilk's eyes widened as she
took it in. "So I'm only your second...." Her voice trailed off. No
wonder his heart still clung to the beautiful Weyrhealer. There was
something about that first person that many could never forget. His
next question brought her mind back to her own first and she paled for
just a moment, going stiff beside him. Her first instinct was to lie;
to deny ever having felt that warmth and pull towards anyone. But
wouldn't doing so sully what she had finally admitted to Varlin before
his death?

Lusilk's smile faded and she laid back down, her voice strangely quiet.
"Yes."

He wondered for one brief, astonishing moment if she might mean him, but
her tone was subdued enough that he knew at once it couldn't be. Lorican
watched, his brow creasing in concern, as she turned and his hand
slipped from her belly. His thoughts turned to the dead man at the
Weyrhold, the one whose body she had asked him to bury, though he had
stolen her child and gravely injured her. How many people could she have
found to love, in the life she had led? Once again, he wondered what had
happened between them, while he had been taking Silgan to safety.

He lay down beside her, listening to her soft breathing, then reached
out to touch her shoulder lightly. "Lusilk...I'm sorry."

She stiffened only for a moment before forcing her body to relax. There
was a soft sigh. "For what? You haven't done anything wrong, Lorican."

"No, I meant - it was for sympathy, for a loss." Lorican wondered if
anyone had ever expressed that to her before. "Though maybe I shouldn't
have asked." He should have remembered how hard it was for her to talk
about her past.

There was a moment of silence before Lusilk answered, her own voice
soft. "I made my choices, Lorican. I chose, knowing what the
consequences could be, and so did he." Her fingers flexed against her
pillow under her cheek before she turned her head towards him, only
revealing her profile. "You have every right to ask. I asked you and
you answered. I could only do the same." There was a faint, almost
bitter smile that twitched on her face. "At least your love lives. Be
thankful for it."

"She does, and I am." He spoke softly, suddenly feeling all the
exhaustion of that long day, the flight to the Hall and the anxious
waiting, the relief and pride in his success, and the homecoming to his
family. Carefully, he moved closer, sharing his warmth with her as his
eyes drifted closed, his guard relaxing with his body. "She lives, and
I'm glad...

As she felt his warmth against her back, there was a pang of hurt as he
again stated his love for the beautiful Weyrhealer. She shouldn't feel
upset about it, she reasoned, he'd never claimed to feel any different.
But it was her he made love to and held in the evening? Had he ever
done so imagining blonde hair and light eyes?

Lorican slipped his arm around her, his breath slowing and deepening as
sleep crept up on him. "She's here," he murmured indistinctly, though in
his half-drowsing state he was hardly aware of whether or not he'd
spoken those words aloud. "With me."

She heard those words and went still against him, hardly believing
what she was hearing. What had he said? 'She's here' 'With me' ? How
was she supposed to respond to that? She felt the weight of his arm
around her, warm and sheltering, his fingers lightly splayed along her
belly. By his breath, she could tell he was sleeping, not conscious.
Was it true? If it was, he was a fool. But still, she felt her own
hand lift to lay over his, hold his fingers against her own.

Last updated on the July 15th 2022

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Here, With Me