Would it Be So Bad?
Date Posted: 13th October 2020
Urlene settled in her chair, tired after a long day in the infirmary.
After taking the required rest that Y'gel had insisted upon after the
birth, she had dove back into her duties as soon as she had been able.
Perhaps she'd over-extended herself today, but it had felt good to be
busy and get back to what seemed to be a normal life. As Lorgelen
began to fuss, Urlene cuddled him close and bared her breast to feed
him, exhaling slowly.
Briata, she decided, was an absolute gem. Though she had been
initially hesitant to allow Y'gel's weyrmate to foster her son while
she had her duties, the woman clearly loved Lorgelen and Urlene had no
complaints or worries about him while he was in her care. Which
brought her thoughts back to Y'gel. She'd not yet given him an answer
about combining their homes to raise Lorgellen together. Her initial
reaction had been a firm internal rejection of the idea; she was
fiercely independent and despite the fact that Y'gel had already
proven to be a wonderful father to her son, she'd worked so hard to
get where she was and in the Weyrhealer's position. She didn't want to
give up her new quarters or her independence.
Additionally, she often felt that when she was with the weyrmated
pair, that she was the interloper, an intruder to their happy home.
She didn't know if she could do that on a daily basis. According to
Y'gel, it had been Briata who had made the suggestion and her
reasoning. The reasoning made her hesitate on outright saying no to
the offer. She'd had no family for turns, no one to turn to for help
and very few ears to hear what troubles she had. And Faranth knew that
she did actually need help with Lorgelen. But...
They were weyrmated. They deserved their privacy and she certainly
wouldn't have felt comfortable sharing a bed with Y'gel with his
weyrmate on the opposite side of the wall, not that she was actually
feeling like doing anything of the sort lately. She was just too tired
to really think about that. If, and it still wasn't decided of course,
but if she decided to take them up on their offer, there would have to
be an understanding of what her position in their household would be.
For a moment, she deeply envied their relationship, a bond that she'd
never been able to achieve. For such a long while, she'd insisted to
herself she'd never desired something like that, a relationship that
might take away from her goals, so she'd never actively sought it and
sometimes even rejected even trying. Her marriage had been so horrible
that the thought of binding herself again to another person was too
much to even consider. Had she been wrong all this time?
There was also something else to consider, and it was a secret thought
that still filled her with a mingling of hope and pain. What if
Lorican ever came back? She looked down at her son while he eagerly
nursed and brushed her fingers over the delicate pale strands of hair
that dusted his head. What if Lorican was the father? What would be
the situation then? But, she realized, he might never come back. He
didn't know about the baby, so there was a definite likelihood that
he'd settled at Barrier Lake.
She couldn't spend turns waiting for him. It wasn't fair to her or to
Lorgelen. Y'gel was there and he was willing to be a father, even if
he wasn't Lorgellen's blood father. Briata was willing to help as well
and she wouldn't have to leave Lorgelen to the creche where he would
be one of many children and with carer's that she didn't know well,
beyond faces and names.
Her brow knit as she continued to think. Perhaps she was simply
overthinking the entire situation. What would be best for Lorgelen?
She knew the answer; with her position and her responsibilities, she
needed help. She knew of other weyr families who shared quarters and
lived their lives as independently as they desired. Why could she not?
Would their combined household relationship be centered on Lorgelen's
care? Would that be so bad?
She stroked her son's hair and switched him to the other breast, brow
deeply furrowed. It wouldn't be so bad as long as she could expect to
keep out of their way and not disrupt their household. And even Y'gel
said it wouldn't have to be permanent. She could return to her
quarters when the need was no longer there. What was the harm in
trying it? . She would tell Y'gel this evening of her decision.
Last updated on the October 13th 2020